Dear Sophie,
I need to never forget the mornings like today. Your Daddy telling you he loves you over breakfast as I quietly put my make up on in the other bathroom. I need to never forget the sweetness in his voice.
Something else that I must always remember is the excitement in him when he saw the pink Lion's jerseys at Target. Haha! He was so excited to buy that for you. It was your special gift from him; just in time for football season.
There are happenings of the past that I've already forgotten, and they won't be the last. Yet, the emotion that fills my heart is bigger than love on morning's like today, and there's no forgetting that.
I love you.
Love,
Mumma
Friday, September 17, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
You Light Up My Life.
Dear Sophia,
Before you, there was me and Daddy. Before Daddy, there was just me. I was alone, and I wanted a family. I could have never imagined what I would get!
You have made me so happy beyond the five letters of the word. You have brought me back to the purest moments of my own childhood; to memories I had long forgotten: Jumping in a pool with its cold, grassy water on a hot July afternoon or the magic of pretend. You are a light, and I will work for the rest of my life to see that you never lose that.
That is my commitment to you.
Love,
Mom
Before you, there was me and Daddy. Before Daddy, there was just me. I was alone, and I wanted a family. I could have never imagined what I would get!
You have made me so happy beyond the five letters of the word. You have brought me back to the purest moments of my own childhood; to memories I had long forgotten: Jumping in a pool with its cold, grassy water on a hot July afternoon or the magic of pretend. You are a light, and I will work for the rest of my life to see that you never lose that.
That is my commitment to you.
Love,
Mom
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
It's Time
January 25, 2009 --(written the day before you were born)
"For those of you who are rollercoaster people, you'll appreciate this.
The best way to describe everything in the simplest of ways.
I've been in line for my first thrill-seeking attraction at the amusement park this whole time. Throughout my long wait, I've heard other's stories of their times on this rollercoaster. In good company, I've laughed a lot...and I've alo lost my patience.
Today, I'm on the platform. I see the operator directing each person to their respective cart...And now, he's turned to me. He gently touches my shoulder and points, and while I know he's shouting orders, I hear no sound. In a vacuum, I'm just following directions. I sit down, pull the safety harness over my shoulders, and check it twice more. With everything in slow motion, I take a deep breath.
There's no turning back now.
I look to my left and see Scott. He's beaming without hesitation and with total excitement. Everything's going to be ok.
I'm not sure what this ride is going to entail. I'm terrified and excited and the butterflies fill my belly,but I can tell you postively one thing:
My arms will feel the wind,
my ears will hear the laughter,
my eyes will see it all,
and I will end this crazy ride with a smile on my face.
*I just want to thank everyone for all of their love and support. All of your kind words and stories. I've soaked it all in like a sponge. And now, it's my turn."
"For those of you who are rollercoaster people, you'll appreciate this.
The best way to describe everything in the simplest of ways.
I've been in line for my first thrill-seeking attraction at the amusement park this whole time. Throughout my long wait, I've heard other's stories of their times on this rollercoaster. In good company, I've laughed a lot...and I've alo lost my patience.
Today, I'm on the platform. I see the operator directing each person to their respective cart...And now, he's turned to me. He gently touches my shoulder and points, and while I know he's shouting orders, I hear no sound. In a vacuum, I'm just following directions. I sit down, pull the safety harness over my shoulders, and check it twice more. With everything in slow motion, I take a deep breath.
There's no turning back now.
I look to my left and see Scott. He's beaming without hesitation and with total excitement. Everything's going to be ok.
I'm not sure what this ride is going to entail. I'm terrified and excited and the butterflies fill my belly,but I can tell you postively one thing:
My arms will feel the wind,
my ears will hear the laughter,
my eyes will see it all,
and I will end this crazy ride with a smile on my face.
*I just want to thank everyone for all of their love and support. All of your kind words and stories. I've soaked it all in like a sponge. And now, it's my turn."
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
How Can I Not?
January 17, 2009 --"I haven't mentioned is how truly emotional and fearful I am as we get closer to the birth of our daughter. I've heard a lot of parents say: "Daughters are just harder to raise." To which I'd always think to myself, Well, that's pretty sexist. What's so bad about us?
Now, as we near the arrival of our girl, I'm really starting to understand what they meant. It's not that there's anything wrong with little girls. On the contrary, they are a beautiul blessing. Still, there are so many anxieties that blaze through my mind on a constant reel lately, leaving me with so many questions.
How do I teach her confidence without conceit?
I want to instill generosity in her, let her know that material things don't make a person, and still, I want to give her everything.
I want her to never doubt that she's the center of our world but to also understand that the world does not revolve around her.
How do I let her know that she can do anything a man can do but still show her the importance of being a lady? And let her know it's never ok for any man treat her less than just that...
Moreover, how do I teach her the difference between a man who treats her like a lady for the wrong reasons and the one who treats like a lady because she is.
How do you protect your kids and still manage to let them experience life? And with so many horrible horrible stories on the news, after seeing kidnappings and children being killed in freak sports accidents, how do you ever let them go out of the house again?
To be fair through all of this, I've also heard the phrase, "Thank Heaven for little girls." And there's no denying that this is absolutely true. Our daughter is a gift from God, and if He believes we can handle such an awesome task, then I shouldn't question... but still, how can I not?"
Now, as we near the arrival of our girl, I'm really starting to understand what they meant. It's not that there's anything wrong with little girls. On the contrary, they are a beautiul blessing. Still, there are so many anxieties that blaze through my mind on a constant reel lately, leaving me with so many questions.
How do I teach her confidence without conceit?
I want to instill generosity in her, let her know that material things don't make a person, and still, I want to give her everything.
I want her to never doubt that she's the center of our world but to also understand that the world does not revolve around her.
How do I let her know that she can do anything a man can do but still show her the importance of being a lady? And let her know it's never ok for any man treat her less than just that...
Moreover, how do I teach her the difference between a man who treats her like a lady for the wrong reasons and the one who treats like a lady because she is.
How do you protect your kids and still manage to let them experience life? And with so many horrible horrible stories on the news, after seeing kidnappings and children being killed in freak sports accidents, how do you ever let them go out of the house again?
To be fair through all of this, I've also heard the phrase, "Thank Heaven for little girls." And there's no denying that this is absolutely true. Our daughter is a gift from God, and if He believes we can handle such an awesome task, then I shouldn't question... but still, how can I not?"
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
On Your Birthday
Dear Sophie,
I wrote this as I was thinking of you on your birthday.
Love,
Mom
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As of one minute ago, the most beautiful little baby girl turned 1 year old. And I am her mom.
I'm a little nostalgic...and a little weepy.
Everyone told me a lot of 'things' when I was pregnant. They tried preparing me for the work. They tried preparing me for the labor...
Everyone told me about mother's instinct.
safety precautions. And allergy warnings.
When I was pregnant, everyone was sure to let me know that I wasn't to consume shellfish, tuna, coldcuts, sushi, alcohol, unwashed fruits and vegetables, coffee (all caffeine actually) diet coke, (well, diet anything) Chinese food, feta cheese, peanuts, all nuts, some peanut butters, and queso dips.
"Don't eat too much"
"Be sure to eat for 2. Take advantage."
"You don't want the drugs"
"Don't be a hero. Take the drugs!"
They all said these things.
While everyone had something to say, no one said what a beautiful bitch motherhood would be.
...
Every morning I wake up to the sounds of my daughter's little voice babbling in her crib. In excitement, I run to her room. Every morning I run to her room, I am greeted by that same beaming smile that makes me feel lucky to be here. Makes me know there IS a God, and He is so good.
With each passing hour, I watch my daughter become a little longer, a little bigger, a little faster, and a lot sharper. No one told me how your entire body can fill up with absolute indeniable raw and vulnerable pride. The elation and joy to which you feel for this person...Love isn't even enough.
So you're wondering how any of this could be a bad thing?
It's not. It's not bad. It's confusing, and it's scary.
I watch my heartbeat move further and further away from me with each milestone she shatters. And the thought that it's going to continue this way until she's a woman is not any consulation.
What's a mother to do? Moms? What do you do?
I know the right answer would be this:
"All I can do is tell her I love her everyday. take lots of pictures. give lots of kisses. love her father. and enjoy this bittersweet, but beautiful ride."
And I do that. I soak up every stage in my daughter's life. I feel the love to the greatest depths it can be felt, but the sad truth is that for as long as I am alive, I am vulnerable. For my heart no longer beats inside of me...This is just the torment of motherhood.
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